Sunday, November 18, 2012

Note to self: don't eat in the car.

Sometimes it even feels like too much of an intrusion into life even to stop somewhere to buy myself food...
it's almost like my own needs are an intrusion in my life...
of course I spend much of my life caring for other people's needs.

I am interested in the feminist perspective on this.
Also, of course beyond that...
the human, personal.

Taking care of one's self always seems out of proportion -- either people only take care of themselves or only take care of others...

I stopped at my favorite bakery for breakfast. I had the most perfect little sandwich.

I ate it in the car in under a minute.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Not Cooking for One

Ok... I've been dragging my feet on this new project.
I've been thinking about what kind of a construct would work
and if it would distract me from the writing I am supposed to be really focusing on right now...
how to begin, do I have the energy to begin, do I have anything good left to say...

I've been thinking of it like a writing project.
But that isn't how this thing started -- each year I really changed core things in my life... and each year I learned about something in my life that I wanted to understand better...

Over the last two days I have eaten frozen shumai from Trader Joe's (why I don't go there) 3 times and had crackers for dinner twice.

It's such a horrible feeling -- being hungry -- wanting something real -- settling for something unsatisfying and bad for myself.

Sometimes it actually feels like cooking for myself is a waste of time -- or self indulgent -- or too lonely.
Sometimes it is just laziness... just like oil, just like yoga -- it is so easy to be lazy about things. Good things. Things that make a difference.

Construct -- I'm going to make note every time I eat alone. Track it through the year.

Fitting now -- Thanksgiving to Thanksgiving, that will be the span of this year, give two days...  Feast. After Harvest -- we need food and light to get us through the winter...

What will I learn in every meal alone in a year...