Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Greased Up

Last night I was talking to one of my very favorite poets -- people. I told him, very briefly, about this project -- told him I was imagining a book of poems called "oil." He started laughing immediately -- and we began to imagine cover art with voluptuous breasts covered in... yes, OIL.

It's dark and rainy and everyone I know is in a crappy mood. A good day for a story about oil-wrestling!

Okay -- so here's a first hand account of a oil-wrestling match in Seattle -- I'm not linking anything today for fear of actually being enlisted to write for Playboy -- which, I have to say, after three years as an adjunct professor, would be hard to pass up.

The girls entered the ring and had baby oil poured onto them and spread over their bodies by the two ring girls, then the match began. They were tentative at first, trying to get used to the unsure footing and being gentle with each other. But as the rounds progressed, with the raucous crowd cheering them on, they went at each other with the fire and energy of a catfight, trying to put moves on each other and take each other down. The action also got a lot wilder as the night went on, with contestants getting each other on all fours, straddling each other, and trying to grab hold of each others' shiny, oily arms, legs, boobs and butts. The ring girls added to the fun by the giving the contestants spankings whenever they came close to the edge of the ring. One ring girl was eventually pulled onto the mat by both wrestlers for a sexy wrestling threesome.


"I just wanted the chance to be greased up, mostly naked, and be pressed up against my homegirl! It sounds like an erotic experience every woman should have the chance to try." The petite, blue-eyed brunette also described herself, for the benefit of the fellas on CV, as "5'3", with blue cat eyes and lickable lips, small boobs but a ghetto booty, and happily single but available to the right man, if he can rock my world in bed."

I started looking for the health effects of baby oil. I couldn't find any -- but we know, of course, that baby oil is a petroleum product. It will seal off all breath in your skin -- at very least.

I may be the last person to know this, but I didn't know that baby oil erodes Latex. As in eats away at condoms in as little as 90 seconds -- again, no links today, sorry. That pretty well freaks me out -- this product that so many of us used to slather all over ourselves for sunning our showers -- as if embalming...

Baby oil is also recommended as a better smelling substitution for googone, removing tape and adhesives.

Years ago, I stopped drinking Coke because I learned that it's used on old cars for rust removal. Sometimes it's just not that hard to infer what shouldn't be in close contact...

In Turkey they wrestle with olive oil! For crying out loud the US is so confused.

oil wrestling

Okay, well, I learned something today. And am even in a little better mood.

No comments: