I didn’t practice every day
this week. It’s true. I admit it.
Funny how it all works… Last
week I gave away my mat – to someone who needed it more than me – to someone I
want to have it, and who having it means a lot to me…
but it’s funny, for the week it
took until my (new fancy SO much prettier and cushier consumeristic) mat came,
I felt adrift.
I think that’s a good thing, in
one way. Not, in another.
I think it means I am finding a
home on my mat.
I think it also means I’m not
quite carrying the mat to my life enough… no inner mat.
I get hung up on place, on
grounding. On the meaning and connection of things to places in my life – to people.
This is well documented, and well founded in my history.
And I’m having trouble with
time and space again. How do I start? How do I listen? What do I need from or
for the practice today.
So today I spread out my new
home…
I have so much to do today.
Silly, fancy, fun, holiday, frivolous, so so much to do.
I am achy – and I thought maybe
I should do a bunch of moving, warming, waking…
but I thought about the book,
and the idea that sometimes it is not counter that you need.
I was feeling unfocused. I am
finding I have to build up my strength to be able to find restoration. After
a lot of years of not breathing, not resting, not enjoying…
So I stood on my head in the
middle of the room.
And,
right there – with no wall and no waiver – I took a really deep breath.
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