Friday, December 9, 2011

The Inner Mat...

December 9

I didn’t practice every day this week. It’s true. I admit it.
Funny how it all works… Last week I gave away my mat – to someone who needed it more than me – to someone I want to have it, and who having it means a lot to me…

but it’s funny, for the week it took until my (new fancy SO much prettier and cushier consumeristic) mat came, I felt adrift.

I think that’s a good thing, in one way. Not, in another.
I think it means I am finding a home on my mat.
I think it also means I’m not quite carrying the mat to my life enough… no inner mat.

I get hung up on place, on grounding. On the meaning and connection of things to places in my life – to people. This is well documented, and well founded in my history.

And I’m having trouble with time and space again. How do I start? How do I listen? What do I need from or for the practice today.

So today I spread out my new home…

I have so much to do today. Silly, fancy, fun, holiday, frivolous, so so much to do.
I am achy – and I thought maybe I should do a bunch of moving, warming, waking…
but I thought about the book, and the idea that sometimes it is not counter that you need.

I was feeling unfocused. I am finding I have to build up my strength to be able to find restoration. After a lot of years of not breathing, not resting, not enjoying…

So I stood on my head in the middle of the room.
And, right there – with no wall and no waiver – I took a really deep breath.

No comments: